The Day Kenshin Cracked
by radakue
Summary: The day kenshin finally loses it and crackes. R rated for language. UPDATED 04-09-04
1. Chapter 1: The Escape

Chapter 1: The Escape  
  
"Hey Kenshin, why don't we get out of here?" Sanosuke asked Kenshin over Kaoru's yelling.  
  
"We should give Miss Kaoru some time to cool down, that we should." Replied Kenshin, nodding his head.  
  
Neither of them said it out-loud but they both knew it; they had to get away form Kaoru. Before they managed to escape, Yahiko rushed in and slammed the door.  
  
"There's no way you guys are leaving me here with that ugly raccoon!" Yahiko said breathlessly.  
  
"There's no way you're coming! She's yelling at you for neglecting chores for two weeks straight now!" Sano said hearing Kaoru yell even louder at Yahiko for holding the door shut on her.  
  
"He's right Yahiko, you should take responsibility, that you should. "  
  
"Aw come on! I'll come back after she isn't feeling so mad.and violent." Yahiko said.  
  
"Aw is little Yahiko scared of Kaoru?" Sano said teasing the younger boy.  
"Why are you in such a hurry to leave? Unless your scared of her!" Yahiko said wanting to smack Sano upside the head.  
  
There was a long awkward silence while Sano and Kenshin both gained extremely large sweat drops on the back of their heads.  
  
"Fine you can come! Now let's get out of here!" Sano finally said, slightly panicked at the raise in Kaoru's terrifying yells.  
  
"Aw right!" Yahiko stuck his wooden training sword in the door to lock it and ran out the front door. "Come on!" Kenshin and Sano didn't kneed pushing, they followed him. As they were running out through the yard, extremely loud banging could be heard emanating from the Dojo. Kenshin looked back, "All miss Kaoru has to do is go around to the back door.." he said a little worried. Sano's eyes widened.  
  
"Then what the hell are we doing standing here?!" Sano yelled.  
  
"Uh.Kenshin.the banging stopped." Yahiko said as solemn as if he had just told them that the world was going to end, which it just might. Everyone froze. Slowly they turned their wide-eyed heads and looked behind them, where none other than Kaoru stood, trembling with rage. She had Yahiko's wooden sword snapped in two in one hand a fist in the other. 


	2. Chapter 2:The Trial and Punishment

Chapter 2: The Trial and Punishment  
  
"And where might you be going?!" She asked in a voice laced in wrath. Yahiko fainted on his feet. Anyone could tell with a glance that Sano would rather be melting in a volcano than standing 5 feet from Kaoru. Kenshin, however, thought fast.  
  
"We were just going to buy tofu, that we were." Kenshin said.  
  
By about this time Sanosuke's brain decided to come back to him.  
  
"Yeah! Tofu! We are going to get some tofu, so don't worry about dinner missy."  
  
Unfortunately there wasn't much brain in Sanosuke in the beginning to leave, and much less to come back to him. He didn't realize that he had just given Kaoru her ammo.  
  
"AND WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT MONEY?!! HAVE YOU EVER EARNED EVEN A SINGLE YEN?! TAE WON'T LET YOU IN TO THE AKEBEKO FOR MUCH LONGER YOU KNOW!!!"  
  
Sano and Kenshin stood there as Kaoru continued to scream at Sano, the force of her screams blowing their clothes out behind them. The horrible racket jarred Yahiko back into consciousness.  
  
"KENSHIN IF YOUR GONNA BUY TOFU, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO CARRY IT IN!" With that said she threw a wooden bowl at Kenshin as hard as she could because she's a loser. (A/N:I hate Kaoru.)  
  
Kenshin, being off in Oro-land, didn't notice the bowl come flying straight for him. 


	3. Chapter 3: TheYear of the Cat

Chapter 3: Year of the Cat  
  
CRACK!  
  
The sound reverberated all through Tokyo. They all looked at Kenshin.  
  
The bowl had hit him right in the middle of his forehead. The bowl fell to the ground unscathed.  
  
"I-if the bowls fine then w-where did that noise come from?" Sano said after his ears had stopped ringing.  
  
(cricket noises in the background followed by the wind)  
  
"Oh no, the Gods must have cursed us!! They're going to turn us into spoons!!(A/N: I hate spoons. ) We'll never be able to eat a beef-pot again!!" Sano kept mentally panicking.  
  
"K-Kenshin?" Yahiko waved his hand in front of Kenshin's face, clapped in his face and then started to shake him. "KENSHIN!!"  
  
A small 'Oro' escaped from Kenshin's rattled head.  
  
Yahiko stopped shaking him and gave a sigh of relief. As soon as he let go of him, Kenshin did something highly unusual. Kenshin dropped to the ground and curled up at Yahiko's feet, catlike, and began to purr. (A/N: Yup, purr) Sano saw this and thought it was very possible that his head might explode.  
  
"Kaoru, you ugly raccoon!!! You broke Kenshin!!!" Yahiko yelled at a very shocked raccoon.  
  
"N-no.K-Kenshin." Kaoru was once again being retarded (A/N: no offense to retards)  
  
"Yahiko! Get away from him!!" Sano yelled at the edge of hysteria.  
  
"Why should I? He's still Ken-" Yahiko was cut off because Kenshin had sat up and licked Yahiko's arm. "Whuh?! Why'd you l-lick me?" Yahiko said wiping his arm off--"Stop that!!" Yahiko gave up and ran towards Sano, "Get him off me!" Just as Yahiko reached Sano, Sanosuke jumped into a nearby tree. 


	4. Chapter 4: Sano on the huntfor a crazed ...

Radakue: Thank you to everyone who bothered to review this crazed fic. If you've read the other chapters then you know that in this fic the RK characters will inevitably lose their sanity. Anyway if this scares you, I'm sorry but I rated it R for two reasons. 1) Because the language may get intense. 2) The antics of the RK cast may vary from insane, pathetic, random, and perhaps even scary. Anyway, on to the fourth chapter!!  
  
Chapter 4: Sano on the Hunt...For a crazed Ruroni...  
  
"Why the hell did you jump into that damn bush?!! Get down here!! ...Kaoru didn't throw anything at you did she?" Yahiko looked over at Kaoru.  
  
• Kaoru in retard mode-"N-no...Ke-Kenshin..."•  
(Radakue: No offense to retards...)  
"Ugh, never mind" Yahiko said shaking his head.  
  
"An old man at the temple told me that if someone is licked by someone who thinks that he is a cat then he's cursed. If the cursed person looks at anyone in the eye they will turn into a broom!" Sano yelled climbing further up the tree, muttering about how he really didn't want to be a broom.  
  
Kenshin sat up on the ground and croaked, literally. "Gribbet. Gribbet." He began to hop around in circles, "Gribbet!" Kenshin jumped around and jumped right over the Dojo's wall.  
  
"Yahiko, stay here and close your eyes! Oh and take care of Jo-Chan too! I'm going after Kenshin!" Sano said jumping off the tree and over the wall. 'The old man never said anything about someone thinking that they're a frog.' Sano thought to himself.  
  
"What the hell was all that nonsense about me being cursed?! Come back here! What am I supposed to do with this raccoon!?" Yahiko stomped hard on the ground. "And just how am I supposed to look after her and close my eyes at the same time?!" Yahiko yelled at the wall, receiving no reply.  
  
• Kaoru in retard mode. "N-no... Ke-Kenshin... •  
  
"FEH!!" Yahiko had just about had it with the tard.  
  
Kenshin had somehow managed to find the river and jumped right in. Once he realized that for the most part frogs swam underwater and that he couldn't hold his breath that long, he decided to be a duck instead.  
  
Sano had finally caught up with Kenshin. Kenshin- "Ruff, Ruff!" Sanosuke- "What the hell are you doing in the middle of the river barking?! Kenshin- "Mooo!" Sano- "What exactly are you trying to be?!" Kenshin- " Quack? QUACK!" Sano- "You couldn't even be a duck right?!"  
  
"Damnit! Why did Sano lock the dumb door?!" Yahiko had just discovered that Sanosuke was a little smarter than he looked. Not much, but a little.  
  
"Kaoru! Where is the spare key?!"  
  
• Kaoru in retard mode: "N-no...Ke-Kenshin..." •  
  
"I am seriously going to hit you with something!" Yahiko yelled at her. 


	5. Chapter 5: In Which Sano is Less Skilled...

Chapter 5:In Which Sano is Less Talented With His Tongue  
  
Sano had managed to get Kenshin out of the water, only for him to run off again.  
"Kenshin! Where are you going this time?" Sano yelled at Kenshin, still trying to catch up. "It can't be good for your health to go running around Tokyo! Come to think of it, it cant be good for my health... Kenshiiiin! Your 28! Not 14! Get back here!!"  
Kenshin began to run on his hands and knees like a dog, yet he was still blissfully quacking.  
'What in the world could have made Kenshin this crazy?' Sano thought to himself, trying to catch up with the fleeing Rurouni. 'Kenshin always gets hit with stuff, mostly by Kaoru, and he's always just a little rattled, but this time...He's completely lost it. What the hell is going on in his little red head?!'  
A dog barked loudly. Large, dark, swirling masses of clouds swarmed around the dog completely hiding him from view. The dog kept barking, barking, barking, quacking, moo-ing, singing? The clouds dissolved and all that was left was a large jug of sake. (That was a scene from inside Kenshin's head, for those who didn't figure it out) Kenshin immediately changed direction using his god-like speed and headed for the bar.  
  
Sano completely lost all track of Kenshin. And to make matters worse, he was lost. He leaned against a wall and tried to gather his bearings. 'If I was following Kenshin and Kenshin was going north, (A/N: And why would he be going north, Sano? What is he magnetic?!) then when I stopped and turned around then I was facing south, but now which direction am I going? Wait I'm not moving so...Where the hell am I?' (A/N: Man, that guy gives me a headache.)  
  
"Did you hear? Some guy just went to that bar on the corner, his name was listed with some shady government officials, and he's supposed to be loaded with okane! I bet a few drinks and his wallet would get looser and looser!"  
"Sounds good, finally an easy hit!" The two men hurried down the street, not even noticing Sanosuke dropping some major eves. Sano's ears had perked up at the word bar, and luckily his short term memory had caught the rest. Sano stood up and, discreetly as a tall guy with spiky hair could, followed the two men. 'Everything will be okay once I get a good drink, that's all I need...'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once he gets there ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sano sat down at a table and took a sip of his sake. He started to mull over all that had happened, how it could have happened and why. He didn't understand any of it so he drowned his worries with more sake. He realized that a group of people were complaining loudly, and the poor singing that could be heard over it all. 'Man, that moron must be full of sake to sing that badly... Well Bottoms up to ya.' Sano thought tipping his glass as the last of his sake ran down his throat. 'Why is the singing getting louder?' Another bottle, downed by Sano. 'Okay now that guy is just giving me a headache.. Is that COUNTRY music?! What the hell? We're in Japan for Pete's sake!' (A/N: So how do you know anyone named Pete?!) 'Hold on...I that voice seems really familiar..It couldn't be!' Sanosuke jumped up and shoved his way through the crowd of complainers. Nearly all the blood left his head. "Kenshin!?" enter Kenshin's singing voice "I tell myself that everything will be just fi~~ne! Oh, I'm just going through a little down time." end "Kenshin, What the hell are you doing singing country music after I chased you all through town!?!" Kenshin, oblivious to his friends interrogation continued his song. When he was done he took a sake break.  
  
Sanosuke, as well as many of the customers, were glad that Kenshin's song had finally ended. The supposed "shady government official" was so joyous that he ordered another round for everyone in the building. Forgetting Kenshin completely, Sano raced to the bar to get refills before anyone else.  
  
"Shouldn't you get him out of here, instead of filling your cheap gut?" a cold voice spoke out from behind Sanosuke's ear. Sano spun around to see a man, quite calmly, slurping the last of his soba noodles, sitting on a stool a few feet away.  
  
"Saitou!!" Sano stared wide eyed at the former shinsenguni squad leader, either because he couldn't think of anything that could make the situation worse, or the sake was really getting to him.  
  
"Saitou, Whatta you doin here?!" 'What is he doing here? Well he sure hasn't lost his mind like Kenshin has...maybe he knows what's going on..? Maybe he can tell me what's happening to Kenshin.'  
  
"This is a public establishment, and even if it were not, I, a member of the police, would have access to it." Saitou pushed his empty soba bowl aside and left a small stack of coins as payment. He stood up and took a step towards Sanosuke.  
  
"You should get him out of here, before something...changes." Saitou's gaze changed and locked on the still singing Kenshin.  
  
"Wha, What d'ya mean? 'Changes'? Kenshin only changes in a fight..Are you saying that he might go Battousai on us?!"  
  
"What I'm saying is that he should not be in public at a time like this, However I imagined that to be fairly obvious even to a moron..." Saitou trailed off when he realized that Sanosuke was no longer listening. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ end of chapter 5 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Reviews, comments, ideas, and suggestions welcome, but don't just flame. If you don't like the fic, then don't waste your time complaining about it. Radakue: Sorry about the long wait on this chapter but I lost the notebook that it's written in and I just found it yesterday. Now about Kenshin singing, I bet he can sing just fine but it's country music, and country music sucks. So maybe he's just half-assing it, okay? I'm not out to get Kenshin, really. Oh and Starting with Chapter six, if you like Kaoru then you should really read the alternate chapters, because it really starts to show that I don't, uh, appreciate her that much. Hnn..the end of this chapter was the bottom of page 13. Does anyone think I should bring Aoshi in this mess? Maybe not.. Thanks for reading, Radakue. 


End file.
